Bring The Heat: Rumble with Anger
What is it like in your body when you get angry? Like really angry? Like throw your phone across the room angry?
What happens when you actually throw your phone, punch that pillow, scream, or worse….. (hint: you’re probably even more pissed your phone is broken, you feel guilty at whomever you screamed at, etc)
“Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempts to create change and forge connection. It’s an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving: courage, love, change, compassion, justice. Or sometimes anger can mask a far more difficult emotion like grief, regret, or shame, and we need to use it to dig into what we’re really feeling. Either way, anger is a powerful catalyst but a life-sucking companion.” - Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness
For most of us dealing with our anger will be a forever practice. We won’t ever receive a lifetime achievement award for not getting angry, because anger won’t ever stop.
When the heat rises, get really present. Where do you feel it? Why are you actually angry? What can you hold yourself to be accountable for? Can you take a moment before you respond? Will what you are about to do make the problem worse?
Treat anger with gentleness. There will always be stupid people. There will always be rude people. There will always be anger.
In the heat of the moment, where can you find gentleness?
Stop burning bridges. The bridge itself can be the barrier you need, just add a boundary.
There’s been PLENTY of times I’ve literally told someone to f*ck off. Like a lot. A lot of the times, I feel like I need to vent. I love a good story, but most of the time, venting feels a lot like throwing a phone. It makes me more angry or makes the problem worse because I’m now gossiping, judging or shaming someone.
Notice your immediate reaction when anger pops up. Ask yourself where can you pause, when can you be quiet, delete the message, or if what you are about to do will make things worse.
Use anger as your catalyst to bring the heat to gentleness, and notice what shifts.
A great way to help relieve built up anger in your body is a workout! Take a yoga class, go for a run, ride your bike, do like 9,000 burpees (don't really do that). Find a way to get that fight feeling out of your body so you don't self-destruct.