The word boundaries gives me an instant shiver down my spine. I also really hate it when people tell me I need boundaries for someone or something... also they usually aren't wrong.
With my dad's accident and moving into COVID, my mind has opened up to this whole new world of boundaries. I've also renamed them because I cannot stand the word boundary for some reason. I think it's because it reminds me of creating rules and I don't like those either.
First of all, the whole "You aren't the center of the universe" and "you are just in your own little world over there" are true. I live in my body, I'm in my head, I deal with my problems, and while it's beyond selfish, it's true. How many times a day do you say to yourself, "What about me?," "how will this impact me," better yet "what do I get out of this?"
We live in our own worlds, and we need to protect them. The best part is that I can make my center of my universe really big to incorporate everyone, or I can make it really small, to only include myself. Where I get into trouble is when I cut myself out, or I cut the tethers of my core values, my purpose, and my commitments out.
The biggest thing I realized about boundaries is you need a YES and a NO. You can't have one without the other. The other thing...you need to hear a call for an answer. If there is no question, don't worry about it.
You know when you hear the call of needed a boundary, and I am not here to tell you how to solve that problem. What I am here to tell you is that you can't have a YES without a NO. So, if you are struggling to set the boundary create the YES and the NO to help you.
If you are a NO for meetings that could be emails, be a YES for something bigger and tell whomever created the meeting that you are a YES for whatever that bigger thing is.
If I am a YES for family, that means I'm a no for Saturday morning yoga.
If I'm a NO for toxic social media use, I'm a YES for unfollowing or moving on. I don't HAVE to engage.
If your universe, your center isn't complete and whole, you can't be bigger. The black hole can end up destroying everything, your energy, your relationships, your bigger purpose.
Take care of yourself first. Create the YES and NO. Shine bright, and let others orbit in!
PS Not sorry for all the planetary talk. My 3rd grader is working on a solar system project and I thought it was a great guide post for this blog!